Friday, 24 January 2014


I've done this before (with me in England, B.F. in Paris.) J.G. makes it my second time (this time with me in Paris, him in England.)
The first attempt admittedly went entirely titz up and everyone came out of it feeling bitter and shortchanged and disappointed and neglected. I can't cope with this time going down a similar path (said path involved a drastic decrease in communication taking place as soon as I moved out the country- texting at most every two days, skyping just the once in order to break up, and seeing each other... never.) Which is why I'm trying everything in my power to ensure that me and J.G. stay well connected and as close as our 810km of distance allows.
There's no need for me to detail all of the things that are fucking shit about being in a Long Distance Relationship. But I'm actually going to do exactly that:

Things That are Fucking Shit About Being in a Long Distance Relationship
1. I am nowhere near my boyfriend. The people around us don't even speak the same language or use the same currency. For an hour a day we don't even share the same date. There's no way I'm bumping into him unexpectedly in the street.
2. Every single bit of time spent together has to be planned. And I hate planning.
3. I really miss him. I think he misses me too.
4. I find it absolutely impossible to open jars by myself. And he's really good at it. It's a waste really.
5. If I happen to see a sickly, cuddly, vomit-inducing, loved up couple I could simultaneously burst into tears and punch them in their smug little faces... I can't even contemplate just being happy for them. I take it as a personal insult if anything. Why do they have to rub their togetherness in my face?
One time when we were saying a particularly difficult goodbye at the train station J.G. lost the plot and started shouting at couples going past, 'TREASURE HER!'
People don't know how good they've got it. Seriously.
6. I'm forced to spend an ungodly amount of time glued to my phone.
'Wait a minute while I send J this picture message of a tree we once walked past together/audio clip of a song his dad likes that's just come on/link to the new lipstick I'm thinking of buying/text message containing nothing but a line of kisses (obviously I've never done that, but just to give you an idea of the severity of my case...)
It's just not sociable.
7. Something else that is far from sociable is that, being as I see him so rarely, all of our time together is fucking precious, and it means that I can sometimes feel a little bit reluctant to share him by seeing other people. Pathetic, right?
8. Being away from him makes me really whiney. I can often be heard saying things to him in an absolutely ridiculous pitch- 'come hereeeeeeeeeeeee,' 'I miss youuuuuuuuuuu,' or even the basic, 'what have you doooooooooooone today?'
I seem to have forgotten how to speak to him in my normal voice.
9. Being away from him also makes me weepy. I cry at least once every time we're together. I think I just get overwhelmed or some shit. It's like when a child has too much fun and gets overexcited and then can't cope with all of the emotion of it all and breaks down. That's me.
10. There's a whole section of Rue de R that I just can't walk along anymore. It's the journey from my house to the metro station where I have to take him when he leaves. On leaving days I go there with him and come back without him. So now I can't help my heart from sinking every time I'm there. It's kinda inconvenient because I often need to use that metro...
11. Bizarrely, sometimes I forget that he really exists. I mean, I know that he does, but when I haven't seen him for weeks and weeks I begin to just think of him as a voice or an online persona. It's always something of a shock when I eventually see him standing there in flesh and bone. Which means that...
12. ...The first few hours of being back together are always slightly unnatural. Meeting me at Liverpool Lime Street after an absence of a week or two (back when we first got together), a somewhat ill at ease J.G. literally looked at me utterly perplexed, and asked, 'Silv, what do I usually do with my arms...?'

But then, of course, there are the perks of being apart. There are plenty of things that are really good about being in a Long Distance Relationship.

Things That are Really Good About Being in a Long Distance Relationship
1. You don't have to shave your legs all that often.

Oh. That appears to be it. 

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