Haven't told you little beauties about Big B for a while, so I'll give you un petit update. You deserve it.
Okay, so I think the last time I told you anything about him I was still being a cold little ice queen.
Oh well haven't I just changed.my.tune.now?
Well now that you ask... yes, yes I have actually.
Can't get enough of the little critter now, can I?
So here's hoping he never sees anything I wrote about him before...
Last night I made the mistake of 'sharing' and light-heartedly telling him that he annoyed me the first night we met. I knew I shouldn't have said anything as soon as the words came out of my mouth and his little face dropped all the way down to the floor... That just tells you everything you need to know. We seem to have accidentally gotten pretty serious about each other without even noticing the exact moment when it happened.
He went away this past weekend to visit his sister and niece, and I found it really quite difficult to be away from him (christ, can't even take myself seriously writing that...) I guess infatuation springs up on the best of us. And when I say the best of us, I mean me.
So I saw him yesterday for the first time in the grand total of 4 days, and I was so embarrassingly excited. He's so cute with his little face (somebody stop me...) Anyway, he saw me, and came over, and we had a little (big) cuddle and I asked him how he was, and he looked at me all longingly and said, 'better now.' Didn't even cringe. I'm so disappointed in myself.
I'd told my friend, S.E., that I'd pop into her little gathering last night and bring B along, but as soon as I saw him I just wanted to have him to myself. Cue turning into one of those really annoying girls that picks bros over hoes. But, S.E. isn't exactly a bezzie M, and in my defense, I probably only have 3 or 4 weeks of time left with B.F., possibly ever. So, for once, fuck everything that I usually stand for.
I had a cutie time with him as usual, and then once we were all snuggled up back at his house, I decided that it was the absolute ideal time to lay my metaphorical cards on the table and just go ahead and find out whether we're exclusive, or just what.
I've been toying around with the idea of asking him for a few days now, and what I seemed to come back to more than anything else was- it's destined to be a short and sweet little situation, so why complicate it with rules and shit?
But, on the other, more grabby hand, I thought, why would I risk ruining the memory of it, turning it into more of a short and sour situation, by finding out too late that actually me and B.F. are on two completely different pages (me on page 54, where we're starting to get excited by the plotline; him on page 7, where you don't even really care if you lose the book because you've hardly invested any time on it at all)? I'm a jealous only child; there's no point in trying to convince myself that I can be casual and cool. It's just not something that I'm capable of, as much as I delusionally like to think that it is.
So, the decision was made. Just fucking ask him.
Ha! Easier said than done..
Once I'd got it into my head that I was just going to go right out and be all calm, like, 'yo man, so it's only me, yeah?' I forgot how to speak at all. And then he was being all annoying, chatting about other stuff, making me lose my nerve... And then, once I'd decided the moment was ideal, I realised that he was falling asleep. Wah! Such an ordeal.
I panicked then, and knew I needed to stop being a dickhead, and just use my words. That said, I knew I'd have to give it some kind of introduction before coming out with it out of the blue, so my excellent and original leading line was this: 'Can I ask you something?'
And he's a babe, so of course, he woke right up, and was all ears. Obviously, I changed my mind at that point, and decided that I didn't even want to know, and did the most annoying thing anyone can ever do, and said, 'oh, it doesn't matter actually.' So that, of course, it really mattered to him after that.
I knew then that I'd have to man up and just.ask.
But just.ask I did not.
I'm going to skip the details of the next 5 or 6 minutes, because they were painful to live out, never mind to read about, so I'll do you the favour of condensing them into this: 2 and a half minutes of ridiculous shyness from my part; 2 and a half minutes of insistent coaxing from his part; 2 seconds of me mumbling, 'ijustwantedtoknowifyou'reseeinganybodyelse' at the speed of light; and then a fair few seconds of him asking me to repeat myself and digesting what I'd said.
This is where the language barrier gets a tiny bit tiresome.
His first reaction was, 'you mean, like, dating?' (hate that word...) And as soon as I nodded, he incredulously said, 'no!'
That little exclamation mark doesn't represent him shouting; it represents him being completely and utterly dismayed at the question. He then reiterated this with an 'of COURSE I'm not!', and then punctuated it with a, 'do you think I'm a bastard?', which I found a bit excessive, but I think he was suffering from shock, so can't really be held responsible for his actions. He then looked at me a lot, and tried to u n d e r s t a n d. Disaster. I'd obviously answered his, 'do you think I'm a bastard?' with a 'no', and some other similar encouraging words. However he wanted to know after that whether I'd ever been cheated on, which I have, so I got some free therapy into the deal to boot. He said, 'look, I'm not going to sleep with your best friend', which isn't exactly what I was insinuating, but is also good to know... Then he came out with, 'well we're dating. Aren't we?' Yes, B.F., please stop calling it that, but yes, I guess we are. That seemed to be his answer to why he couldn't possibly be seeing anyone else, so I think there are different rules about these things in France. In all fairness, once B.F. started to grasp what it was that I was asking, he came out with, 'what country are you from?!', which was a bit startling, being as he knows full well that I'm English, but I guess he was just trying to make some kind of point about my question being so ludicrous that it must mean I'm actually from an Asian tribe where polygamy is encouraged, or some shit. I mean, in England I once 'dated' (eurgh) a boy for nearly a year, until the grand finale and closest thing to a love declaration I was presented with was, 'I wanna make you my main squeeze.' Not his only squeeze, just his main one. Let's bear in mind that not only am I not a lemon, but also this priceless offer was sent in a text, and even more shockingly, I felt like it was a real commitment. I'd even go as far as saying I was quite pleased by that turn of events. So, my thoughts on what 'dating' entails are somewhat skewed, to say the least.
So B.F. tried to see it from my point of view, bless his little cœur, and said, 'well, okay, maybe with other girls if I don't really care then it would be alright to date other people, but not when it's like this...'
Obviously, I milked it then (what?!! We were having a moment!!) and said, 'well, what's it like now?'
And he said, 'it's special...'
N'AWWWW! Less than a month ago, I probably would have thrown up all over his face at that comment, and now I'm the one encouraging this behaviour. What's gone on?
So he said some other cutie stuff about him never having been like this with anyone else, and other things, which I'll try and keep to myself (being as I've been oversharing like it's going out of fashion lately...) But basically, his reaction made me realise that I needn't have even asked, because, although we've never had a conversation about where we stand, he's so proper and so lovely with me, that, of course, he's not seeing anybody else. Besides, when? When would he even get the time to? He's with me every minute he can be.
So, I'm going to round off by saying that I'm an overcomplicated lunatic, as per always, and I guess me and B.F. aren't seeing other people.What dya think about that?